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:typing:

 

 

The Firefighter and the Little Girl

 

A firefighter was working on

the engine

outside the station when he noticed a

little girl nearby in a little red wagon

with little ladders hung off the sides

and a garden hose tightly coiled in the

middle.

 

The girl was wearing a firefighter' s

helmet. The wagon was being pulled by

her dog and her cat. The fire fighter

walked over to take a closer look.

 

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the

firefighter said with admiration.

 

"Thanks," the girl replied.

 

The firefighter looked a little closer

and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to

her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

 

"Little Partner," the

firefighter said. "I don't

want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you

were to tie that rope around the cat's collar,

I think you could go a lot faster."

 

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're

probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

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:typing: Interesting trivia!

 

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced

enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)

 

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is

produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)

 

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to

squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)

 

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

 

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to

death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

 

 

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour

(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

 

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to

its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)

 

& nbsp;

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping

the length of a football field.

(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

 

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

 

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

 

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm.... ..)

 

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed

people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

 

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

 

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

 

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

( I know some people like that.)

 

Starfish have no brains

(I know some people like that too.)

 

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

 

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)

 

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these

crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe

even a chuckle.

 

In other words, send it to everyone ! (and God love that pig!)

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:typing:

George Carlin (Absolutely Brilliant)

 

IF YOU DON'T READ THIS TO THE VERY END, YOU HAVE LOST A DAY IN YOUR LIFE. AND WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED, DO AS I AM DOING AND SEND IT ON.

 

George Carlin's Views on Aging

 

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

 

 

 

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

 

 

 

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

 

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life, you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony, YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

 

 

 

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

 

You REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you wouldYou BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, !

 

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

 

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

 

 

 

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

 

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

 

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

 

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

 

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them" .

 

 

 

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

 

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

 

4. Enjoy the simple things.

 

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

 

 

 

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

 

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keep sakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

 

 

 

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

 

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

 

 

 

10. Tell the people you love that you love them,at every opportunity.

 

 

 

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

 

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

 

And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!

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:typing: A MESSAGE FROM AN APPALLED OBSERVER:

 

Today I went to visit the new World War II Memorial in Washington , DC !

 

 

I got an unexpected history lesson Because I'm a baby boomer, I was one of the youngest in the crowd. Most were the age of my parents, Veterans of "the greatest war," with their families.

 

It was a beautiful day, and people were smiling and happy to be there. Hundreds of us milled around the memorial, reading the inspiring words of Eisenhower and Truman that are engraved there.

On the Pacific side of the memorial, a group of us gathered to read the words President Roosevelt used to announce the attack on Pearl Harbor:

 

Yesterday, December 7,

1941-- a date which will live in infamy--the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked.

 

One elderly woman read the words aloud:

 

With confidence in our armed forces, with the abounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph.

 

But as she read, she was suddenly turned angry. "Wait a minute," she said, "they left out the end of the quote. They left out the most important part. Roosevelt ended

the message with "so help us God.

 

Her husband said, "You are probably right. We're not supposed to say things like that now."

 

"I know I'm right," she insisted. "I remember the speech." The two looked dismayed, shook their heads sadly and walked away.

 

Listening to their conversation, I thought to myself,Well, it has been over 50 years she's probably forgotten."

 

But she had not forgotten. She was right.

I went home and pulled out the book my book club is reading --- "Flags of Our Fathers" by James Bradley. It's all about the battle at Iwo Jima .

I haven't gotten too far in the book. It's tough to read because it's a graphic description of the WWII battles in the Pacific.

 

But right there it was on page 58. Roosevelt 's speech to the nation ends

in "so help us God."

The people who edited out that part of the speech when they engraved it on the memorial could have fooled me. I was born after the war.! But they couldn't fool the people who were there. Roosevelt 's words are engraved on

their hearts.

 

Now I ask: "WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THE WORDS OF

HISTORY????? ????"

Send this around to your friends People need to know before everyone forgets. People today are trying to change the history of America by leaving God out of it, but the truth is, God has been a part of this nation, since the beginning... .and He always will be!

 

If you agree, pass this on. If not,

 

May God Bless YOU!

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:typing: At a TouchDown Club meeting many years before his death, Coach

Paul "Bear" Bryant told the following story:

 

I had just been named the new head coach at

Alabama and was off in my

old car down in South Alabama recruiting a prospect who was supposed

to have been a pretty good player and I was havin' trouble finding

 

the place. Getting hungry I spied an old cinder block building with a

small sign out front that simply said "Restaurant. "

 

I pull up, go in and every head in the place turns to stare at me.

 

Seems I'm the only white fella in the place. But the food smelled

good so I skip a table and go up to a cement bar and sit. A big ole

man in a tee shirt and cap comes over and says,

 

"What do you need?" I told him I needed lunch and what did they

have

today? He says,

"You probably won't like it here, today we're having chitlins,

collared greens and black eyed peas with cornbread. I'll bet you

don't even know what chitlins [small intestines of hogs prepared as

 

food in the deep South] are, do you?" I looked him square in the eye

and said,

"I'm from Arkansas, I've probably eaten a mile of them. Sounds like

 

I'm in the right place." They all smiled as he left to serve me up a

big plate. When he comes back he says,

 

"You ain't from around here then?"

 

I explain I'm the new football coach up in

Tuscaloosa at the

University and I'm here to find whatever that boy's name was and he

says, yeah I've heard of him, he's supposed to be pretty good. And

he

gives me directions to the school so I can meet him and his coach.

 

As I'm paying up to leave, I remember my manners and leave a tip, not

too big to be flashy, but a good one and he told me lunch was on him,

 

but I told him for a lunch that good, I felt I should pay.

 

The big man asked me if I had a photograph or something he could hang

up to show I'd been there. I was so new that I didn't have any yet.

 

It really wasn't that big a thing back then to be asked for, but I

took a napkin and wrote his name and address on it and told him I'd

get him one.

 

I met the kid I was lookin' for later that afternoon and I don't

 

remember his name, but do remember I didn't think much of him when I

met him. I had wasted a day, or so I thought.

 

When I got back to

Tuscaloosa late that

night, I took that napkin

from my shirt pocket and put it under my keys so I wouldn't forget

it. Back then I was excited that anybody would want a picture of me.

The next day we found a picture and I wrote on it, "Thanks for the

 

best lunch I've ever had."

 

Now let's go a whole buncha years down the road. Now we have black

players at Alabama

and I'm back down in that part of the country

scouting an offensive lineman we sure needed. Y'all remember, (and I

forget the name, but it's not important to the story), well anyway,

he's got two friends going to Auburn and he tells me he's got his

 

heart set on Auburn too, so I leave empty handed and go on see some

others while I'm down there.

 

Two days later, I'm in my office in

Tuscaloosa and the phone rings

and it's this kid who just turned me down, and he says,

 

"Coach, do you still want me at Alabama?" And I said,

 

"Yes I sure do." And he says OK, he'll come. And I say,

 

"Well son, what changed your mind?" And he said,

 

"When my grandpa found out that I had a chance to play for you and

said no, he pitched a fit and told me I wasn't going nowhere but

 

Alabama, and wasn't playing for nobody but you. He thinks a lot of

you and has ever since y'all met." Well, I didn't know his granddad

 

from Adam's housecat so I asked him who his granddaddy was and he

said,"You probably don't remember him, but you ate in his restaurant your

first year at

Alabama and you sent

him a picture that he's had hung

in that place ever since. That picture's his pride and joy and he

still tells everybody about the day that Bear Bryant came in and had

chitlins with him."

 

"My grandpa said that when you left there, he never expected you to

remember him or to send him that picture, but you kept your word to

him and to Grandpa, that's everything. He said you could teach me

 

more than football and I had to play for a man like you, so I guess

I'm going to."

 

I was floored. But I learned that the lessons my mama taught me were

always right. It don't cost nuthin' to be nice. It don't cost nuthin'

 

to do the right thing most of the time, and it costs a lot to lose

your good name by breakin' your word to someone.

 

When I went back to sign that boy, I looked up his Grandpa and he's

 

still running that place, but it looks a lot better

now; and he

didn't have chitlins that day, but he had some ribs that woulda made

Dreamland proud and I made sure I posed for a lot of pictures; and

don't think I didn't leave some new ones for him, too, along with a

 

signed football.

 

I made it clear to all my assistants to keep this story and these

lessons in mind when they're out on the road. If you remember

anything else from me, remember this. It really doesn't cost anything

 

to be nice, and the rewards can be unimaginable.

~ Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant ~

 

Editor's Note: Coach Bryant was in the presence of these few

gentlemen for only minutes, and he defined himself for life.

 

Regardless of our profession, we do define ourselves by how we treat

others, and how we behave in the presence of others, and most of the

time, we have only minutes or seconds to leave a lasting impression.

 

We

can be rude, crude, arrogant, cantankerous, or we can be nice.

Nice is always a better choice. I like what Stephen Grellet,

French/American religious leader (1773-1855) said, "I expect to pass

through the world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any

 

kindness I can show to any creature, let me do it now. Let me not

defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."

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